Susanna's Birth Story

I awoke early at about 6:45 a.m. on Thursday morning, August 22, 2013. As usual, I knew I needed to visit the bathroom to relieve myself and the ever-shrinking bladder. However, I knew as soon as I had completed my quick trip to the bathroom that something had changed. This wasn’t just overwhelming incontinence – my water had broken and that meant something huge – our second child and our only girl – was on her way and would join us sometime in the next two days.

Quick phone calls were placed to Nana, Papa, Aunt Becca, and Grandpa and Grandma to apprise them of the situation and to make arrangements for Will to have somewhere to stay when labor began. Everyone was excited, happy and full of anticipation and expressed well-wishes for baby girl's arrival. I, too, felt those same things but also experienced a deep sense of calm. I had had the same emotion when my water broke with Will. I felt flooded with peace and well-being, knowing that it would come out alright and that both this child and I would be healthy and safe.

After several calls to the birth center, we determined it would be best to wait for contractions to start – to get to the 5-1-1 stage – meaning 1-minute contractions at least every 5 minutes for the duration of an hour. Also, the contractions needed to be hard enough to impede walking and talking. I spent the next five hours cleaning, doing laundry and packing bags for our impending time at the birth center. Unfortunately, I had NO CONTRACTIONS and still didn’t by 3:30 p.m., when I went in for another quick appointment with the midwives to try to jumpstart labor. Will had gone to Grandma’s house equipped to stay the night earlier that afternoon, so it was reassuring to know that he was cared for and enjoying himself with his extended family. At Better Birth, Suzanne swept my membranes, took me from 2 to 4 centimeters in dilation, and gave me some homeopathics to get contractions going.

Almost immediately, I felt the effects of her efforts. Mild contractions began very quickly, and I was delighted at the prospect of giving birth six days early and owing no money after the fact, too. For distractions, Spencer and I had dinner, took a walk through the neighborhood, and even went on a drive down Wasatch Boulevard through a fantastic lightening storm. Per the request of my Dad earlier that morning, Spencer gave me a most welcome Priesthood blessing, promising me comfort and that my caregivers would be blessed to know what to do and how to go forward in our birth. Spencer would’ve offered to do that even without my and my Dad’s request, but it was reassuring to be reminded of the power of Heavenly Father’s love and care.

However, despite these efforts, my labor never really took off. Contractions came quickly, but were simply not intense enough to prompt check-in at the birth center. Finally, in fear that we would end up in the hospital if things didn’t kick it into gear soon, we had one last labor check at 10:45 p.m. that night with Lea and were at last admitted to the birthing suite at Better Birth.

With the application of further homeopathics and exams, labor progressed oh-so-slowly but surely. I tried relaxing in the tub and watching movies, but to no avail as neither activity seemed to really improve my labor pattern. I used a birthing stool, a birthing ball, the jetted tub, the bed, the wall, Spencer – you name it, and I tried it. The birthing ball seemed to be the most effective for warding off pain without slowing down the contractions, so I used it while Spencer held my hands, allowing me to push and pull against him with the waves of the contractions. However, after a few hours, I moved into the transition phase, and labor progressed swiftly from there.

By about 4:00 a.m., I was fully dilated and felt compelled to push. I say “compelled,” and that is an accurate word, but it was really more like having no other options. I couldn’t stop myself from straining against the contractions. I couldn’t think of anything else but the baby's progress and finding some way to hold on to myself during the most intense pain and pressure of my life. Having had an epidural and some narcotics during Will's birth, I had no real idea what hard contractions were going to be like, and I was so dismayed to find at times that I wasn’t sure I would be able to get through them.

I was blessed to have such good help, though. Our two midwives, Lea and Trinette, and a student, Amy, attended me during my stay at the birth center, and they were wonderful. Equipped with damp towels, water, homeopathics, tricks for alleviating pain in virtually all positions, offers of even more water and constant reminders to breathe, they stayed with me, in the room and on the bed, through the whole thing. Spencer was a huge help, too, bringing me even more water, also reminding me to breathe, supporting me, holding my hands, and never once leaving my side. He simply accepted what I needed and gave it to me, sometimes at the expense of his own skin. I continue to be deeply grateful to all three, as they are the reason I was able to deliver baby girl naturally.

In that last little time before her birth, I experienced basically one single, long, incredibly painful contraction with an urgent need to push. With little to no discernable progress, I despaired that I was completely incapable of giving birth naturally and by myself. I remember that I cried as I prayed that Heavenly Father would give me the strength and the courage to accomplish this task I had set for myself. At some point, in the last half hour of labor, I gave myself over completely to the experience and put my trust in both the Lord and the knowledge and guidance of my caregivers, and real progress began. I alternated strong pushing with breaths, and quickly my water fully broke with an enormous gush, and the baby began to move further and further down. Soon, I was able to feel the top of her head with my fingers, and from that moment I was determined to finish as quickly and strongly as my remaining strength would let me. I felt screams rip from my throat as I gave those last pushes everything I had. I was sure that I was being torn in two as baby girl emerged from my body – that "ring of fire" thing is no joke. However, baby girl's progress gave me new force and energy, and I recommitted to delivering the baby at whatever cost. With the encouragement of Spencer and the midwives, baby girl quickly crowned and within two or three more pushes, I felt her leave my body forever.

Lea swiftly placed our baby, covered in white vernix, blood, and amniotic fluid, directly on my bare skin. What I had always thought would disgust me instead gave me the deepest and most intense feeling of elation and satisfaction. I knew intellectually that baby girl wasn’t yet clean, but I didn’t really see any of that. I devoured her features, her skin tone, the perfect shape of her skull, and her alert eyes. I rejoiced in my baby's birth, and tears slid down both mine and Spencer's faces as gratitude and happiness filled our hearts. Instead of screaming or crying, baby girl simply lay on my chest and looked. She looked at her Daddy, at the ceiling, even at the towel surrounding her, but mostly at me. She stared at me – with deep, wise eyes, and I knew she was my daughter.